Seinfeld Declassified Episode 37: Can you really die from licking toxic envelopes?

Hello, Newman. I hope you survived Friday the 13th. So at last we have reached the big season finale & arguably one of the most memorable (& controversial) episodes of the series. So we all know the crux of the episode revolves around Susan dying from licking one too many toxic envelopes but could that actually happen in real life? Well, we put out our best researchers on the case & here is what they found.

Of course not. All of the materials used to make envelopes pose no threat to your health whatsoever & are regulated by the FDA. It’s not even that likely to get a virus from your mail. In general, paper has never been that effective at transmitting any type of disease so your odds of contracting any illnesses from the mail are slim to none. Of course, there are certain steps you can take if you are a hypochondriac (washing hands, refrain from touching your face, etc.) but those are only for the truly germaphobic among us (e.g. sheldon cooper). So it’s not necessary.

There are some urban legends here & there about someone dying from licking envelopes but there’s never been any evidence to corroborate such a story so in all likelihood, it’s probably just people trying to get attention. Plus, don’t forget the brand he got was discontinued (& clearly for a good reason) so the only reason she died was due to his cheapness. So as long as you get regular envelopes, you should be fine (or better yet, just send out e-vites. This is the 21st century, after all).

So that’s about all I have for you guys today but thank you so much for reading. Have a great weekend & I will see you back here next weekend for a brand new episode of Seinfeld declassified. Until then, this is the x factor signing off.